Getting Started

I tend to go down rabbit holes.

This week, I’ve been wondering – “what would life be like without the internet?” To be honest, that train of thought initially started out as, “how can I live without the internet?” which I only really considered after canceling my Spectrum home internet plan before hastily resubscribing (they charged me an $18 installation fee for a service that was already installed) once I realized that I couldn’t do my weekly virtual therapy sessions, guitar lessons, or family video calls without home internet.

Anyway. Today I worked backwards through my logic. “What would life be like without the internet?” I asked myself this question only after I had spent a couple of days desperately feeling like I couldn’t spend the rest of my life staring at a screen. But reading Paul Miller’s 2013 article in The Verge about his year of internet abstinence helped me realize two things that have led me to alter my course.

One, the internet is a force of connection. Two, the internet is not the source of my shit, which will all still be there when I’m offline.

So, assuming both of these statements are true (if “truth” is still an objective phenomenon in the year of our lord, 2025), maybe I can use the internet for good. Maybe I can harness my creative energy and create rather than consume content. To be honest, my mindless content consumption is the habit I’m actually looking to change. On February 1, I switched my SIM card over to a TCL Flip 3 from my iPhone 14 Pro. There are countless reasons why I did this, but after two months of reflection, I believe the central reason to be that I was generally dissatisfied with my life – or, more specifically, my own perception of my life, which was colored by lifelong anxiety – and was looking for something to change.

The switch has been a net positive. I’m more present in my everyday life and can appreciate the small moments. I’m more comfortable sitting alone with my thoughts. I’ve even come out of my shell a little more, striking up conversations with strangers out of necessity (I’m frequently lost without a GPS in my pocket) or just boredom. There have also been some negatives. Specifically, the point about my own shit still being there rings true for phone-lessness. I’m not necessarily happier day-to-day because I don’t have a smartphone with me; I’m just more present in the physical world than the virtual one. My attention has been redirected. Which is what I wanted.

I have found, however, that when I’m home and have access to internet via my computer, I spend an awful lot of time consuming useless information online. This has led to some frustration, culminating in this week’s desire to completely disconnect and live a life of phone books, physical maps, and snail mail. But, maybe the answer is self-control. If the internet is a connecting force (and one that I need for my job, anyway), what’s the use in disconnecting just because I have trouble stopping myself from scrolling? Maybe reinforcing the good can steer me away from the bad.

The good, in this case, are things that makes me happy. Writing makes me happy. To be more precise, communicating original ideas that resonate with other people and contribute to the development of a world that I believe in makes me happy. So, I’m hoping that with this website, and through the internet, I can publish some of my ideas for what a better world looks like. Along the way, I’m hoping, selfishly, that I make myself happier.

I guess if this first post had to have a lesson in the vein of contributing to the conversation about a world I believe in, I would say this: I still believe the internet has enabled a lot of ugliness in this world. But the internet isn’t responsible for that. We’re responsible for that. The internet is just a communication tool. So, if you’re like me and unhappy with what the internet is doing to your life, take a step back and consider that maybe you’re unhappy with what you’re doing to your life. And then take the first step to fix it.